Attitude Adjustment and Sleep Deprivation

Tacka, tacka, tacka, tacka

My apartment feels as if it is shaking. In my dreamlike state my confused brain thinks I’m stuck in the middle of an epic gun battle. It’s loud. It’s annoying. I want to scream.

The noise subsides. I start to slip back into peaceful slumber.

Ahhhh. Ahhhh. Wahhhhhh.

Awoken again, the fog in my head clears as the cries grow increasingly louder. This time I’m fully aware of the noisemaker. Little Bear lets me know he is not happy.

Once again the walls shake, tacka, tacka, tacka, tacka. Ahhhhh. Ahhhhh. Wahhhh.

Thankfully I’m still in my pajamas and bath robe or else I might take my sleep deprived body and my screaming baby on a witch hunt to find the offending party who can’t seem to properly balance their washing machine.

The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. [ ] I am convinced that life is 10 percent what happens to me and 90 percent how I react to it. And so it is with you… we are in charge of our attitudes. – Charles R. Swindoll

To be honest there are a lot of mornings (and middle of the nights) I deliberately choose to be cranky.

As in Little Bear wakes up crying.
Husband: Are you going to get him?
Me: NO
Husband: Do you want me to get him and bring him here?
Me: NO (Pulls blanket over head.)
Husband: Then what would you like?
Me: I JUST WANT HIM TO SLEEP! (Reluctantly gets up to get crying Bear.)

This approach is very counterproductive. But… sometimes I just like to wallow.

Yet, it doesn’t win me more sleep or peace. I still have to get up and I’m awake the entire time he’s crying unlike my husband who can consciously decide to turn off his ability to hear. It doesn’t make me feel better. Mostly I feel guilty. I feel guilty for biting off my husband’s head when he is only trying to help. I feel guilty for ignoring my child when I know he needs a cuddle.

Next time I hope I can choose to react a little more sweetly, a little more calmly and a little more rationally. Although a little more sleep would definitely help my ability to choose!

(PS: It’s a good thing I didn’t go on that “witch hunt” since the source of the obnoxious banging noise wasn’t a washing machine at all but a pump on the roof! Thankfully our caretaker is working to fix it.)

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